“‘Old’ is when your wife says, ‘Let’s go upstairs and make love’” (joke)
Climbing stairs can be a challenge as people get older. "'Old' is when your wife says 'Let's go upstairs and make love,' and you reply, 'Honey, I can't do…
“‘Tiny House Community’ is just hipster lingo for ‘Mobile Home Park’”
"Tiny house community" is a 2000s term for people living in smaller houses. "Tiny House Communities DO exist. We call them mobile home parks" was posted on Twitter on January 9,…
“‘Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it’s not in cockroaches.’ – a NYC tenant’”
An astronomy joke was posted on the newsgroup alt.fan.dragons on May 5, 2002: "Whatever the missing mass of the universe is, I hope it's not in cockroaches." A New York City…
“50% of home ownership is hearing noises and hoping you have ghosts because you can’t afford…”
"So apparently 50% of homeowning is hearing strange noises and hoping they are made by ghosts because I can’t afford to fix them" was posted on Twitter by Beth Boyle Machlan on December…
“A bean bag is just a boneless sofa”
Bean bag chairs have been described as "boneless sofas," the description became popular in June/July 2017 and is of uncertain origin. "what fool called them beanbag chairs instead of…
“A book just fell on my head. I only have my shelf to blame”
"My self" might sound like "my shelf" if someone (such as the Scottish accent of actor Sean Connery) pronounces it. "I was at home last night, and a book fell on my head.I…
“A female janitor asked if I’d do some weed with her. I can’t deal with high maintenance women”
The term "high maintenance" usually has nothing to do with janitors, but there are jokes. "The janitor lady for my apartment building asked me out on a date & said she had some…
“A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden”
"A friend is one who overlooks your broken fence and admires the flowers in your garden" is an inspirational saying that has been printed on many javascript:void(0);images. The saying…
“A good building, you got a door man. A bad building, you just got a man in a door”
American actor, political commentator and stand-up comedian. D.L. Hughley said in his stand-up act on Comedy Central on November 28, 2003: “In L.A., rich people live with rich people and poor…
“A guy only 3 feet, 3 inches tall showed up at my house. It was the meter man”
A "meter man" checks the gas/water meter. He is not just a meter tall, but there are jokes. "Bloke just knocked on my door, I opened it and he was about 3ft 3"tall. I said…
“A haunted house but instead of scary monsters it’s 15 ppl asking u what u are doing with ur life & who u r marrying oh wait that’s thanksgiving”
A jocular Halloween haunted house suggestion was posted on X/Twitter -- the tweet is no longer available -- by Lindsay Fuce @lindsay_fuce on November 2, 2017: "A haunted house but instead of…
“A haunted house for dads, but it’s during a sunny day and all the lights are on inside”
A dad often turns out the lights in the house that other family members have left on, in an effort to save electricity (which he pays for). "A haunted house, but for dads and all the lights…
“A haunted house, but for dads and all the lights are on. All of them”
A dad often turns out the lights in the house that other family members have left on, in an effort to save electricity (which he pays for). "A haunted house, but for dads and all the lights…
“A house is made of walls and beams; a home is built with love and dreams”
William Arthur Ward (1921-1994) was a writer of much-quoted inspirational maxims. In the book, Thoughts of a Christian Optimist; The words of William Arthur Ward (1968), Ward wrote: "A house…
“A house is made of wood and stone, but only love can make a home”
"A house is made of wood and stone, but only love can make a home" is a saying that has been printed on many images. "Houses are made of wood and stone, But Homes are made of Love…
“A house is not a home without a dog”
"A hosue is not a home without a dog" is a saying that has been printed on many gift items, such as signs, plaques and mugs. The saying has been cited in print since at least 1968. 30…
“A house isn’t a home unless there’s wifi”
"A house isn't a home unless there's wifi" is a saying that has been printed in several images. The saying was posted on Twitter on July 6, 2012. Wikipedia: Wi-FiWi-Fi or WiFi…
“A husband is someone who takes out the trash and gives the impression he cleaned the whole house”
"A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he cleaned the whole house" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "A Husband Is…
“A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he cleaned the house”
"A husband is someone who, after taking the trash out, gives the impression he cleaned the whole house" is a jocular saying that has been printed on many images. "A Husband Is…
“A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners’ Association”
"A large group of Karens is called a Homeowners' Association" is a saying that has been printed on many images. A "Karen" is a highly opinionated and entitled person.…